Puzzle pieces.

My life is a giant puzzle. Several giant puzzles. I guess you could look at life like that - a giant puzzle. You piece it together one piece at a time. Then you start to see the big picture. 

Have you ever knocked the puzzle off the table and watched all the pieces you worked so hard to get together fall apart? I just did. At my job I work in this large office with tiny little half walled cubicles. They are high enough to hide your work space but low enough to see people around you. It’s lovely. In my current seat position I have about 5-10 people/desks behind me in a row, but I overlook many desks and rows. I also see a wall of windows from across these desks I can see. It’s great. I’m near the back door and I have a space of my own. Before January I had several team members that I fully enjoyed seeing on a daily basis. My department had different schedules. Then January happened. My department changed a little and some of my dear friends left this building. Our schedules changed and I saw less and less of the people I truly value. Then Eddie happened. Eddie and his team was moved into the desks near me. That’s how our friendship started because he sat two desks away. We face each other. Today started the moving of teams and departments and desks. New schedules, too. Now Eddie is on the opposite side of the building. I won’t get to cheer him up when he’s on some bullshit call, and I won’t be cheered up from his genuine smile. This truly does suck. In a week or two I will be moving to a new area, too. This new area is the ONLY area in this building that has no views of the windows, has poor lighting, and is often the ‘forgotten’ area. Hell, I forget it is there all the time. Now I will stare at a blank blue wall for 8 hours each day. The kicker is in that area there are not enough desks so I will not have my own desk… each day I come in I’ll sit at a new seat. I have no sense of pride in my space anymore. I have no sense of home in a place where I spend most of my days. I will have no concept of this summer - is it raining? sunny? is it even daylight still? No windows. 

I realize to some that read this it may appear like I am being some huge cry baby about these changes, but my puzzle was put together and it was so beautiful. Now it has fallen off the table and I think I lost some pieces…

Not everything in my life is a puzzle that has fallen apart. There is this other puzzle I’ve been working on and it is amazing. It is full of the color red. This puzzle is an amazing friendship. I feel comfortable. I am surprised at how many people that I hold near and dear to my heart look at me with nonjudgmental eyes. I love that so many people see me for me. At the same time so many don’t. People I thought knew me and I thought I knew them have been surprising me with their judgement, their jealousy, and their lies. I was talking to Eddie and we were chatting about some one special to me, and I was telling him how we cuddled. I said I felt amazing because it was so close. There was no space in between and I really enjoyed that. He said “Like a puzzle?” and that has completely inspired my thoughts tonight. It was. I found myself laying next to someone that made me completely comfortable. Someone that looks at me and sees me. Someone that I enjoy spending time with. Someone that is very amazing. Now, this sounds like a puzzle of love. Doesn’t it? It is in some rights, but I am not falling in love. I’ll be tweeting and blogging and talking about all these amazing thoughts and feelings and I may mention his name. Actually, I know I will… but anyway, this is a total loving friendship. I find that I have more and more of these. I’m investing in quality people that mean something special to me in their own ways. Gone are the friendships of convenience or friendships or association. 

I don’t work the same schedules as my friends. We all have different off days. I don’t live near ALL my best friends. All of that is ok. I know they are there. We work together to make time to enjoy each other and that makes the friendship puzzles that more amazing. I am blessed. I am happy. I’m just really fucking bummed out about work. I think I am bummed out about work because it is such a big chunk of my days. 

I need to stay focused on myself and my plans and goals. I need to look through the negative changes and see all of the positive. I will be working the same schedule as Jarrod (see - already mentioned his name!) and that means we might be able to do lunch more and more. I’ll have to schedule more time with Eddie to have me and him hang out time - making that more special, too. I guess I can hang up my 10-12 Britney Spears posters on that giant blank wall, and since I won’t know which desk I will be at… I can hang one in front of EACH desk. Why? Because I might be at that seat one day and if I can’t see the outside beauty I will see the Britney beauty.

Life is a puzzle. Work is a puzzle. Friendships are puzzles. Love is a giant puzzle. But the best puzzle of all is the cuddle puzzle… being in someones arms is the best nights sleep I’ve had.

xoxo,
D.