Actually, Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” Is Anti-Gay
I agree 100% with the following statements in reference to Lady Gaga, her new song, and her fag-haggery:
The lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” are alternately condescending, patronizing, melodramatic, cliched, obnoxious, and grating. Delivered with all of the subtlety of a sledgehammer, they represent all of the constricting, insulting stereotypes that normal gay people have fought for three decades. I thought we’d done a good job of burying this crap. Now, with Lady Gaga as the media’s appointed spokeswoman for gay people, we’ll have to deal with this bullshit once again — for months, at least.
The lyrics are worse than I imagined they’d be, and every reader of this site knows that my expectations were rock-bottom to begin with. But Gaga’s stans have already come up with their go-to defense of these insulting lyrics: If you don’t like them, you’re clearly homophobic. Gaga Daily is all abuzz with that meme. “The gays” need songs like this, we’re told; ‘Mother Monster’ unites us all in her unbounded love.
Ah, yes: “the gays.” Her old standby. Lady Gaga dedicates awards to “the gays.” She asks at her shows where “the gays” are, and dedicates songs to “the gays out there.” And this song, too, will be for “the gays.” But in fact, “Born This Way” is, at its heart, an anti-gay song. It is restricting and narrow; it looks at gay people and sees nothing but their sexuality. The truth about homosexuality is that it’s really not that big of a deal: it’s not a lifestyle and it’s not an ideology. Speaking as someone gay, I want people to look at me and see not homosexuality — but my values, ideas, and aspirations. My sexuality is an incidental part of my life. But people like Lady Gaga look at me and sees nothing but gay, gay, gay.
The lyrics are certainly horrific for their lack of poetry, but they are even more horrific because they reinforce every stereotype of gays of identity-obsessed fashionista queens. There is nothing tongue-in-cheek about the song.
In the final analysis, Lady Gaga is nothing but the other side of the same coin that the Religious Right occupies. Pat Robertson sees gays as a flaming bunch of queens who are completely obsessed with their sexuality. Lady Gaga sees us in the same way. She should not be excused, let alone glorified, for this insulting attitude, merely because she likes the stereotype. Fag-haggery is not pro-gay. It is demeaning, condescending, and constricting. Every gay person with any respect for himself should boycott this song and this album. And I am supremely confident that this song will produce the much-needed backlash against this delusional woman.
- Alex Knepper
We are all Fireworks.
Everything is bursting at the seems these days. Both good and bad. It’s only ironic that during all the recent bullying that Katy Perry releases a song entitled “Fireworks” from her newest CD as a single. I loved this song when I got the CD a couple months ago and I am so excited that this was a single. It’s one of those “pop perfections”, like “Toxic” by Britney is. This song has simple, yet powerful lyrics. This song has an amazing beat for clubs. This song is beautifully sang by Ms. Perry.
This song has inspired me, along with it’s video. The video is everything I pictured. When I saw the video I cried. So in these moments of bullying, anti-gay, pro gay, war, economy, teen suicide…. in all of those moments… this song tells a story of what to do. We’re all fireworks so let your light shine. Let it burst. Let it shoot up into the sky. Everyone is unique. Everyone is colorful. You have to find your light within and let it shine. That is exactly what this song says and is.
So last night I was going around thinking about friends that I hadn’t talked with in a while and decided to make lil’ video clips for them on their facebook walls. I think of each of you each and every day, but I don’t always say it. Someone that I’ve known for a couple of years now is always on my mind. He’s got a blog. He’s found himself. He’s got passion. He’s stylistic. He’s smart. He’s beautiful. Mr. David Haugen is someone that was fresh out of high school from a small town in the south. We found each other on a video chat site that I hosted live shows where I talked with people. Made friends. He was one of them. It was his outlet to be himself, to be gay. To be ok. To feel safe. To experience things. At the time that was his only outlet. I teased him with my yelling really loudly “David’s gay!!!” just in the hopes that his mom would hear. haha. I look back and maybe that was a bit mean, but it made us both giggle. He’s some one that I saw myself in. Some one scared to set himself free, but longing for that. I encouraged and supported him. I don’t see him online much, unless he’s posting an amazing video or blog update (I read each and every one of them, David!) but when I see these posts and his true light is shining. He’s happy. He’s smiling. He’s himself. He’s a firework. I smile.
David - I am so proud of you. I love you. Keep bursting at the seems because I know you’re inspiring some one like I did you. That feeling is amazing. Continue.
If you’d like to read up on David’s website go to CampusQueer.com. Oh, and here is his firework video to you all:
The never ending search for love.
Aren’t we all searching for love? Real love.
I know I am. I never realized how much I find myself thinking and wondering about the possibilities for true love. I think to myself if I will ever find it. I wonder if it will happen now or later. In the gay world most gay men are superficial to the point of disgust. I know how amazing I am, because I am. I think to myself secretly how someone out there is meant for me. How will I find them? I wonder if someone will find me and accept me here in Tennessee? I wonder if I will have to leave the south and move to some where more accepting to find someone? I look around at how small this community is here and how everyone has dated someone’s ex. This city is so small sometimes. The possibilities are not endless, here.
I look at myself in the mirror and see everything wrong. I lay in bed and feel how I am everything right. Will someone look at me the way I look at them? I realize my loneliness is a direct result of the superficial gay world - weight. I realize that I would never find someone like me attractive. Too much hair, weight, and sometimes makeup. I won’t find someone till I find myself attractive - that’s it. It’s not a matter of self love, or self confidence, but truth of what this world is. I just want someone to look at me and make me feel special. Make me feel loved unconditionally. Make me see myself through their eyes.
I look around at all the love around me and wish someone was looking at my love with a smile on their face. I want what everyone else wants…
Love.
Nashville AIDs Walk 2010 - Save The Date!
The Nashville AIDS Walk 2010 is coming up in October (10-2-2010). I am encouraging everyone locally to join in with me. If you can make a trip to Nashville and participate that would be amazing too.
Check your local HIV/AIDS awareness community programs for local events like these. Awareness is the first step in change.
Also this walk is to raise funding to be able to reach out to the community and support us. If you can donate any amount please go to NashvilleAIDSWalk.com.
If you plan to donate, or attend, please contact me too! A huge thank you for your support!
http://www.nashvillecares.org/ // http://www.nashvilleaidswalk.com
Random acts of hate. I just don’t understand.
I’ve been at a loss for words for a few days now, but after some drinks at the restaurant, some more at Chris & Krystl’s, and some alone time on the couch I am ready to type.
I want to start by saying that I am deeply sad, emotional, and angry. I look at life now and wonder why some things have happened. I surround my self with the best of people and I often find myself looking above for answers. This is new to me. Before now I knew what I wanted and enjoyed what I had. I often worried about those around me, but never my self. I now worry about myself and those around me more than ever.
I’ve also stopped writing this blog a few times in the past three days because the subject is a sensitive one. A series of events. Some involving me and some not so directly. I can speak to my own, but not others.
I was assaulted Saturday night. It started this series of events that I don’t want to relive, ever ever again. I pulled into a gas station to buy something to drink and a snack before heading to Amanda’s for some chill time when I was assaulted. I pulled in and parking near the door next to a car that pulled in right before me. As I pulled in I saw a woman get out. My windows were down. I pulled into the spot next to her car and as I did I started to hear words I hadn’t really experienced in public. A guy in her passenger seat starting yelling things like “fucking faggot” and something about burning in hell. Now, I know I sometimes wear makeup or bend the ‘guy’ mold, but I looked very average. T-shirt from AE, plaid shorts, flip flops, glasses, and my hair. Nothing crazy that night. He kept going as I got out of my car and I never looked back. I did not care. I am strong, it’s nothing I hadn’t heard at least once before online, or in person, but this time it was all different. This guy was disgusting. I went inside and got my Diet Coke and Apple Pie snack. The woman was in front of me in the check-out line. She was almost finished as I walked up. She was rude to the clerk and I wondered how someone could act like that to a complete stranger. As I walked up I made small talk with the clerk about that ladies rudeness. We talked about how crazy people can be and I told him the guy in her car was rude and verbally abusive to me. One my way out the door I hoped that they were gone, but they weren’t. As I walked to my car he got out and kept his door open. I had to open my door and squeeze into my car, but as I did so his mouth kept going. By this time it was like slow motion on a fast forward speed setting. It was surreal. The woman was out of the car and yelling at him to get into her car and at the same time telling me ‘sorry sweetie, he’s drunk’ … then he hit me. He hit me in the arm. I was getting in to my car. I couldn’t start it and get my windows up and doors locked fast enough. He hit my driver window over and over. I started to back out as he continued to hit my window and yell words. I was in shock. It had been raining. As I put the car into drive and hit the gas I spun out. Out of the spot I was. I found myself at a red light quick. I then thought I saw a cop across the street so I went there. Nothing. By the time I regained composure I drive across the street to get their license plate number and they were gone. I then got back onto the road and picked up the phone. I was over whelmed with emotions and called my mom. She calmed me down, and on my way to Amanda’s I went. My mom told me she would call me back in a few minutes….
Amanda was upset. She started to do what any smart protective friend would do. She looked up the gas stations phone number, the police station’s number, and then advised that I call. I was just in shock.
Then the phone rang.
This phone call will be one I will never forget and one that will change my life, and view of people, forever. My mom called me upset. The details of our conversation are private and it is something I wish not to share. It’s not my place. Maybe one day my mom can write something about her experience that I can post. I will suggest it to her. I think maybe by speaking out people will see a view point on a subject that is horrific. All I will say is… my heart stopped. The worst thing happened. I could not breathe. As my mom told me her story I cried. I worried. I wondered. I feared. My mind then forgot everything I had experienced that night and went into protective mode for her. I am so proud of my mom. She is such an amazing woman. She is so strong. After being told what happened I realized more than ever how amazing she truly is. No one can take her spirit from her. No one. I now hold women closer to my heart than before. I hold victims close. I want to speak out. I want to fight them. I want to find justice.
My mind did not sleep for nearly two days. I could not sleep. I could not find peace. I was stressed. I prayed. I wanted to get to Vegas so fast. I needed to just hug my mother and heal her heart. I thought about it all so much. I still am. I found support in the most amazing places, surprisingly. Someone from work is giving me a free plane ticket to Vegas for whenever I want to go. I am planning that now. More than ever I want to be hugging my mom. I hope no one ever goes through what she has, but sadly so many women do each day. So many never seek justice. So many never speak out. I want to change that with her help, with your help. I find my heart running. I find my mind thinking about different things then I used to. My prayers were answered about the plane ticket and that takes a lot of stress of my shoulders.
Today was the first day that I woke up ok. I woke up after a long sleep with a plan for the day. I was to pay rent, car payment, see Eddie at work, and then have dinner with Chris, Krystl, Amanda, and Wes. I wanted to surround my self with the best. I need support now. Then Andrew (Eddie’s boyfriend) texted me. I had Eddie’s phone because he left it at home, so he couldn’t get a hold of him. He asked that I ask Eddie to email or call him when he could. Andrew then told me that his car had been keyed with the word “FAG” on the hood. I found the blood in my body boil. How this could happen was beyond me. Andrew is such an amazing young man. He is beyond words amazing. It upset me deep down in my heart to hear that his car had been vandalized. I am shocked, again.
How do people do this shit? Punch people, key cars… etc. I am just in shock.
I sit here praying. I pray that my mom heals up. I pray that her soul finds safety and happiness again. I hope Andrew’s car gets fixed fast so he doesn’t have to have a daily reminder that someone in Nashville is an asshole. I pray that no one ever has to experience hate. I hope for a day where Chris is always home. I miss him. His presence is a much needed one.
I’m thankful for those around me. During this time I might seem distant, crazy, or just … zombie like. I hope you all understand. My mind is not here. It’s in Vegas with my mother. Please pray for us all, my family and friends need it now more than ever.
xoxo,
D.
Hypocrites.
I was unaware, and when I say that I really do mean it, that some of my friends were the biggest hypocrites ever.
I remember slowly telling those that I felt 100% comfortable with that I was gay. I remember that the circle of friends around me got bigger and bigger. I remember telling, slowly, more and more people. Then I woke up one day and decided that throwing a themed party and just telling all my friends in one room would be easier for us all. It would be the Hollywood Hames way of doing anything. A party. Do it big, loud, and fun… that’s me.
I know that sharing this information with a few people only put those people in somewhat of a hard place. Other friends would ask or assume. They would say “I wish he would just say it! He’ll be so much happier - FREE!” and those friends that knew 100% would probably just smile and agree; knowing with 100% fact that I was happy and free. I never felt like it was something to advertise (being gay). It’s not a big deal. I realize it started to slowly become a big deal. It was like a hype of sorts. I remember how planning this party was fun. It was a black and white party. Everyone had to wear black and white. We laughed. We drank. We danced. We sang. It really was an amazing evening of fun. Everyone was there.
At some point during this party the “announcement” was made. I just said it. I felt silly saying it because so many people assume. So many knew. It was, however, amazing to just… say it. I wasn’t faced with anything but love. I felt safe. I felt blessed that so many of my friends loved and cared for me. That they just did not care. They all come from different parts of life, cities, backgrounds… but they all came together with love. I remember that.
I was blinded by that. All of that. Blinded by the feelings of love and compassion, and friendship. Blinded? Why? Because almost two years later to the date I put the pieces to a huge puzzle, that I didn’t know existed, together. I was having an amazing heart to heart talk with two of my best friends. We were talking about current feelings, past feelings, frustrations, vacations, happy times, high school… we were just talking about life. It was an amazing talk. During this chat I puzzled some pieces together. I realized that a few of my “friends” that were TOTALLY cool with me and hanging out in groups or alone with me, were distant in the last year or two. In my mind I thought it was factors that caused this like… schedules, school, work, personal life. I just thought “Hmm. I miss these people. I gotta find a way to bring them into my life again!” and in my talk I said that. I got a huge wake up after talking through it. Piecing the time frames together. Hearing about a conversation that went down in a large group of my friends. A conversation that once I knew about it made me feel proud of a friend or two, but completely saddened by others.
My friends love me. My real friends know that I am NO different from before knowing and after knowing. I have always loved Britney Spears. I have always never been that into sports. I have done the fashion/makeup thing for 4-5 years now. I have always told my friends (male or female) when they look nice, cute, etc. I’ve always been in tune with the people around me. However, for some of these friends that found no issue with me, loved being around me, wanted me to be “free and happy”, and made assumptions about if I was gay or not… all of a sudden are not comfortable with being around me because now they know 100%.
Hypocrites.
I feel completely hurt. I feel upset. I feel stupid. This has been weighing on my heart and mind for a week or so now. I was so angry and upset that I couldn’t think. I was so shocked that I couldn’t type. Now a part of me is just sad for them. Sad that they aren’t experiencing me. I was the same person before they know 100% as I was once they knew 100%. It is their loss. I realize that. All of this emotion and thought into this blog is because I cannot believe I was blind for nearly two years about this. I cannot believe that I felt so happy and excited that I was the “lucky” one who had such amazingly compassionate and caring friends. Then one day the puzzle is finished. I then saw the big picture. I just didn’t like what I saw.
I guess I could have it worse. I could have some friends that would turn on me so bad that they’d harass me or drag me behind some truck and kill me. I could be that guy. I’m not. But maybe knowing where I stood and not thinking “What did I do?????” for such a long time would have been better, too. I now know why I get the “I’m busy” replies, if even that, to my texts or invites to hang out. I get it. I won’t bother you any longer.
I’m so very thankful for the nonjudgmental people in my life. For the caring people. For the honest people. I could name names but that isn’t fair to everyone I know. I know so many amazing people that my mind would slip and forget a name, and it could be you. And each and every one of you mean the world to me even if I don’t mean the world to you…
So. I sit here with a clear mind and heart. Ready to share all the love that I can. I think of some of the issues my friends face and all though they are all different issues I feel like the people I am closest to are the ones that can relate in some way with what I face……………..
With love, compassion, honesty, and 100% me,
xoxo. Dustin
