Therapy is a good thing.

Maybe it is time to seek the professional advice of a therapist, or maybe I can continue with friends. They really do know me best, but it only helps if they are completely honest in a situation. Without their honesty I’m just getting rubbish.

Tonight a gate was lifted. One that I knew how to lift on my own, but really never wanted to. Now that the gate is up and open I feel vulnerable. I feel exposed. I feel many things. I don’t know if it is sadness. I had a very open and public conversation with Eddie, a new friend named Lee, and Chris. Chris is such a wise person. He says it is just him stating the unsaid, but it takes intelligence to do that and also to pick up on the unsaid. I appreciate a people watcher that watches, picks up, and then helps. I think Chris doesn’t realize how much some people value that. I think he is amazing. Thanks Mr. Crocker. ;)

The gate that was opened. What was said. The realization: I will always be Dustin. Eddie will always be Eddie. We’re amazing friends. We’re family. We however, won’t ever be anything more. I won’t wake up next to him and smile. I won’t have a future of endless romance and passion. I won’t feel a constant high. We’re not going down that path. I think I always knew that. He did. We’ve been honest, it has been said. He’s dating a really nice guy that he cares deeply for. I’m accept of it. Now it is time for me to move on.

Moving on is a hard thing to do. I am not sure how to really accomplish that. I really don’t want to accomplish it, but for the sake of my heart I have to. Realizing that is … something hard. Realizing it is something sad. I’m taking time off for me.

I might not write for a moment. I’m ok. I will be ok. We’ll be fine. I just need a moment. Please understand.

You can’t help who you love. You can’t turn off that. You can only accept it and move on. Moving on is a process.

Next chapter of the book. This last one was a long one. Hmmmm…

xoxo, D.